Friday, November 21, 2008
Happy Birthday, Grandma Kathy!
Today is Grandma Kathy’s birthday. She would have been 50 years old – WOW!! I’m sure she would not enjoy the fact that I just shared her age with all of our readers…oh well! Today, as is the same with every birthday, we will sing her “Happy Birthday” and send her a balloon up to heaven. Sending balloons is something that Larry and I have done every year since they have been gone and something that I hope Alex will look forward to as he gets older.
As I did on my Dad’s birthday, I am going to try to use this day as a day to celebrate my Mom and the life that she lived. My Mom was an incredible woman. A woman with the kindest heart and warmest embrace. She had a welcoming spirit about her – I really believe that she never met a stranger. Those who knew her instantly became her friend. My Mom loved with her whole heart, she loved her husband, daughter, mother, sister, brothers, nieces and nephews more than words can describe. For those of us that she loved, we never had to doubt it or wonder because she ALWAYS made sure to let us know how much she cared for each one of us. My Mom was my best friend – she was someone that I always knew my secrets were safe with, someone I knew I could confide in and someone I could be me around. She comforted me on days that I was down, gave me hope when I needed it and believed in me when I ceased to believe in myself. My mom is the person that molded me into the woman that I am today. I am so lucky – I have an amazing woman that I am honored to call “My Mom”!
I cry today for all that is missing from my life. I cry for the birthdays that we no longer get to celebrate, for the holidays that we are no longer a family. I cry for the days that seem to drag on and on. I cry for the days that I just want to pick up the phone and call my mom – gosh, there have been so many days within the past 13 months (Alex’s age for those of you that are wondering) that I have NEEDED her and NEEDED her advice. I cry for the fact that Alex will never know the incredible people that made me, me! I cry that he will never feel their kisses or hugs or have sleepovers or be spoiled rotten by Grandpa Jim and Grandma Kathy. I cry because for as much as I want the days to get easier, they aren’t.
And when I feel like I have no more tears left, I smile! I smile because I was able to live 26 years with my Mom and Dad. I smile because of all the memories that I have – the memories that will allow my Mom and Dad to continue to live on. I smile because I know that when I feel like giving up, it is my Mom and Dad who are lifting me up and forcing me to continue on! I smile because I watch our crazy son throw toys across the room and know that my Mom and Dad would be here egging him on and laughing right along with him. I smile because I watch Alex and know that they sent him to me. I see glimpses of them in him all the time and nothing makes my heart smile more!
I love you, Mom! I love you more than I ever knew possible! I hope that you and Dad are having a wonderful 50th birthday celebration. You deserve the best and I am positive that Dad is making sure you receive nothing but the best. You are missed here, not just today but every day. Alex will always know you and know how much you love him. Happy Birthday, Mom!