Thursday, June 18, 2009

Happy Birthday, Grandpa Jim!

Happy Birthday, Grandpa Jim!

Today is Grandpa Jim’s birthday! He would have been 52 years old…WOW! We sent him two balloons (one from Alex and one from Larry and I), sang him “Happy Birthday” (well, Alex and I did before Larry got home from work) and had a cake in his honor. Alex brought tears to my eyes tonight after we let the balloons go – he waved at them and said “bye-bye”! I can’t get over how much he is growing up and I can’t wait until he understands why we send up balloons and who we are sending them to!

Normally on anniversaries and special occasions, I try to write a post about my parents, who they were and what they mean to me. I usually try to write eloquent words, giving everyone an insight into my life with my Mom and Dad. I like to focus on the amazing people they were, rather than focus on the fact that they aren’t here. I try to write posts that celebrate their lives. But, today, I just can’t do all of that!

Today, I am a daughter that just misses her Dad. Today, I am a child that wants to sing my Dad “Happy Birthday!” Today, I just want to share a piece of cake with my dad and I want him to laugh at how crazy his grandson is shoving icing into his mouth. Today, I want to be able to call my Dad and hear about what his co-workers did to celebrate his birthday. Today, I want to hear the joy in his voice when I call him. Today, I am trying to remember who he was and celebrate that, but I am finding that so very hard! Today, I just want him to be here – plain and simple.

I’m sad today! I don’t often admit that, so it is hard for me! I’m sad that they are no longer here. I’m sad that they don’t know their grandson and he will never know them. I’m sad that all I am left with is memories. I’m sad that I don’t get to celebrate anymore birthdays, anniversaries or holidays with them. I’m sad that I can’t pick up the phone to call them and ask them for advice. I’m sad that all I am left with is sending a balloon to heaven for their birthdays. I’m sad that my dad isn’t here to celebrate all of Larry’s accomplishments – he would be so proud of him! I’m sad that he isn’t here to see Alex grow up – oh how excited they were to be grandparents! I’m sad that I am sad (does that even make sense?). I’m just sad!

Happy Birthday, Dad! I love you and miss you more than I ever thought possible! I miss you – the sound of your voice, your hugs and your advice! Through my sadness today, I am trying to celebrate you and the life you lived – you deserve that! I hope you are having an amazing birthday in heaven and celebrating in style! Thank you for being the very best dad in the world, but most importantly thank you for being MY dad!

Here are some pictures from today – eating cake and sending balloons up to heaven! Enjoy!


sarasarasara said...

your post brought tears to my eyes. i know it was so long ago that i knew your parents, but the way you describe your dad is just as i remember him. and i think sadness is alright...and i completely understand what you mean about being sad that you're sad. i wish i could give you a hug. but i think the way you honored your dad to day is perfect.

Anonymous said...

Oh my dear saga.....As I sit here tears rolling down my face I want you to know that we are just as sad.Some days are so much worse than others, today being one of those.Its hard knowing that they aren't here to see our silly Alex or maybe you trying to attempt "to bake" his favorite cake (carrot cake or maybe a big thick cheesecake). But we all have a part of them in us, thats what they leave behind. You with your elegant words (definately from dad) our alex with those giggles (he gets those straight from heaven) thats them coming through to all of us, Showing us how to try to laugh again. Those little eyes with those little mischievious looks, I swear thats mom & dad saying were here. They know we miss them & gave us alex to send us reminders everyday. So hug Larry, hug Alex & squeeze him a little tighter 2nite & whisper in his ear "Love you Mom & Dad" & to have a Happy Birthday (even though he would tell you he was only "49" & know that they are loving the ballons as they love you and all of us!! Love you so much. Aunt Kristy